Latest on Heather

Writing this post is a tough one to swallow. I have not written about Heather like I should, but it is just too hard. On Monday night we went out for our anniversary. Tristan surprised me by taking me to dinner and to see My Sister's Keeper. Probably not the best choice when you have a sister with cancer who is not doing well. To top it off I spoke with my dad on the way to dinner and he told me about Heather's full body scan results. Not good. I knew we were loosing the battle once again. So of course in the movie I was the only one in the theater heaving and sobbing. I had to keep holding my breath so nobody would here me between sobs. Poor Tristan, probably not the anniversary he was hoping for.

So what are the results? Her full body scan showed the cancer has grown. She just had a CT scan a couple months ago where it had shrunked. The new chemo was working. Apparently not any more. I wanted more info. Is it growing rapidly in her bones? Is that why she is in so much pain? She was already scheduled to have this gamma knife procedure on wed (yesterday). So she went to her procedure where in order to start it they do an MRI to map out all the lesions and tumors they are going to laser off. Remember the Cat Scan she just had on MOnday July 27th? We were told in the Emergency room that it showed three tumors on the right had grown. The doc even said good news is nothing has re-accumulated where the old tumors were removed. Well, not the case afterall. Her MRI yesterday showed that the tumors had reaccumulated in the area where they were removed in February. The neuro surgeon did not know how Heather was able to walk with these tumors in there. He can't believe how aggressive her cancer is. The tumors have not been growing there since February if that was the case it wouldn't be so amazing. She had a MRI 6-7 weeks prior to this one and there were no tumors in that area where they had removed them and all others had shrunk. This was when they decided not to do the gamma knife procedure unless they start to grow. Well in only 6-7 weeks these tumors grew and grew big. Which explains the restart of the seizures.

They did the procedure,but did not even try to get all the tumors just the ones that are new or have grown. Why? Because trying to get all of them could result in the same problem we had in the hospital back in february when she had radiation. It creates so much inflammation and swelling in the brain when you laser, that you block the spinal fluid from flowing and draining. THen you get hydrocephalus and you start to herniate which is what she did before when we almost lost her. The doc said they could just do the procedure twice and get the other ones the second time.
Dr. Louden is so great. He is adding Heather in on his lunch hour on Monday to meet with her. He wants to review every single one of her scans and see how did this grow this fast. Her cancer baffles the best of them. He also wants to look at her full body scan himslef (he usually only just pays attention to the brain since he is a neuro surgeon) and see what is happening in her bones since she is in so much pain. Finally maybe we can get some straight answers about that.

Heather will also be starting a new chemo regimen since the body scan shows the cancer is growing once again. This happens with every chemo. It works for about 3 months. The first scan results are always good, it shrinks. then the chemo stops working or her body stops responding. Her cancer is so aggressive that it finds a way to outsmart the chemo and to keep growing. I fear that this pattern will continue with this new chemo. Everytime it works it is a new hope. We have more time, perhaps we can get this undercontrol. Maybe have a few more years. You forgot about how tenuous her life is, you are happy once again. Then it stops working and each time it is a bigger let down. You have to deal with it all again and accept that this could be the end all over again. It is such a roller coaster, I can not even imagine the emotions Heather must have through all these ups and downs. I have known since February that Heather will not live a long life but I hoped for a few more years with the wonderful progression she made this summer. Now I am back to thinking about that deadline of the end of this year, and wondering if we are all hoping for the wrong thing. I made peace a long time ago with whatever happens, but I have chosen to honor Heather's request to keep fighting.

I saw Heather at her home last night after they returned from the hospital. She is a bit out of it. But what do you expect when you have tumors taken off your brain with lasers. She gets agitated easily as she can't get comfortable due to the pain. That is really hard to watch cause she gets so upset. It has been like that for a couple weeks now. I will update you all on Monday after her doctors appointments. SHe will be seing the neurosurgeon and her oncologist.


Sorry this is so long but I use it as a journal so I don't have to write all this twice.