All about me

My baby is asleep in the swing. It is almost 7pm and he is still taking his afternoon nap. Why? Because he did not go down until 5 something. He has trouble staying asleep. I so needed to lie down. I did not sleep at all last night. I had horrible dreams/nightmares. I was so upset that Everett would not stay asleep this afternoon. I finally nursed him again and he knocked out. I read blogs while I nurse since there is no time for it at any other part of the day. I held him and read. I usually don't hold him while he sleeps cause he needs to be swaddled to stay down. He always wakes himself up with his hands even when held. I held him tonight for 2 hours in the dark. Loving my child, reading blogs of young mother's who have recently lost or almost lost their little ones. Crying and squeezing my little one for 2 hours. Dreading going back to work in 2 weeks and leaving him. Feeling guilt that breaks my heart. Wondering why I did not wait a few more years to have kids when I can finally stay home (oh yeah I am old!). Then feeling guilty that thought ever crossed my mind. Wishing Heather was here to tell me how she worked for so long leaving her kids. Even working with 2 little ones and battling cancer. Understanding the tears she shed for so many years. Wondering how many times I will cry at work the first day. Wondering how long it will take til Everett just wants a bottle and not me. Feeling sad over the thought of not nursing him anymore. I will be starting to wean him this week as I need to have a mammogram. My sister Heidi went in for her yearly check up and they ordered a breast MRI. Turns out she has 2 lumps. The first was biopsied and is negative. Then they biopsied the second on and we are waiting to hear about that. So I have decided that my plan to defy my doctor and keep nursing is not the way to go. I need to get checked too. It kills me to stop. I did not anticipate to enjoy that aspect of motherhood like I do. But let's face it. Everett has not matched up to anything I thought motherhood would be like. I thought he would love to cuddle and be held. WRONG! I thought he would sleep a lot WRONG! I thought he would be a chunk. WRONG! I was convinced I would have a not very cute baby based off mine and Tristan's looks. WRONG (he is so adorable)! Everett has not been anything like I thought. I never stop moving, I never stop bouncing or singing or entertaining. I can now endure an entire 45 minute car ride of screaming without batting an eye. I anticipate changing both of our clothing about 5 times a day and doing laundry a couple times a day. Motherhood with Everett is wonderful, it is better than I thought. But it is definitely different than I ever imagined. And I love him more than I ever thought possible. Thanks mom and dad for loving me the way only a parent can. I understand it now.

More Pictures of Everett

These are just some random pictures of Everett between 6 and 9 weeks old. We have not taken very many. Infact when we put these pics on the computer we noticed that the last picture was taken Jan. 26th. Ooops. We do a lot of video, not a lot of picture taking. We need to be better about that.

Yes I know his head is crazy, but when he is totally out that is what he does. I put it back straight and he goes limp again. Looks super uncomfortable.


Tristan and Everett with our friend Tom and his son Porter. Porter is only 3 weeks younger than Everett.

Porter and Everett together.




Us chatting after he is done nursing.


These next two pictures show how you will find us at night. Everett knocked out after his night feeding. While mommy holds him upright for his 30 minutes I watch tv or a movie with Tristan.





Those last two pictures are at almost 9 weeks old. He got his shots that day. Still a cutie. We have no pictures from the last two weeks. So the next time you see a picture of Everett he will be 12 weeks old. Crazy!