No, it has not been two years since I have blogged (though I do think it has been a year or a bit more), and Everett is not 2 yet. It was 2 years ago that my sister Heather passed away on Aug 31st. I did well, no crying and not really thinking about it. I was up all night with Everett the night before so I was so exhausted and busy taking care of him as he has a cold. It was probably a good thing he kept me so busy. But today I went to a routine physical exam since I have not had one in 5 years or more. It was a new doctor for me and I waited a bit to be seen. She finally came in and said she was sorry she was late but she was reading my entire history and all my past visits etc and it took awhile. She then apologized for every thing I have been through with my sister's death and said she was sorry that I now have to see so many specialists and do all these tests every year. She asked me how I was doing with it all and I told her it had been 2 years ago yesterday that she died. I got teary eyed. Why could I have not gotten it out yesterday so I did not have to cry at the doctor's in front of a person I don't even know.
I just wanted to write on my blog for journal purposes that I have really learned a lot in the last 2 years. I have been a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. That is because heavenly father new I needed Everett to save my life when Heather passed away. When we found out that the cancer spread to Heather's brain and we new things were not going to end well (Feb 2009)I remember lying in bed next to Tristan one night and crying so hard. All I could say was I am never going to be the same again. I truly thought that I would never enjoy my life as much or be as happy, and that a huge part of me would die with her and I would be so different. Well, a huge part of me did die with her, but having Everett born a few months after she passed brought me back to life. I still have a hole in my heart, but it is no longer broken. I still miss Heather like crazy. There are days I cry on and off all day, days I cry just once, days I don't cry at all. It goes in phases. Good for a month or a week, then a few weeks of sadness and lots of crying. Over all though I am glad to say that I am so happy. My life went on after she died, I am happier, and I still enjoy things even though she is gone. Everett was a surprise baby, we did not want to have a baby for another 6 months or so. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for sending him to us when he did. We found out that I was pregnant about 6 weeks after we found out Heather's cancer spread to her brain. I did not know at that time how much I would need Everett in my life. My sweet little boy as saved me and I was able to move on because of him. Just another reminder that Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves, and that he has a plan for each one of us. I have learned these teachings again first hand. I am so glad that I know this life is not the end and that families are forever, knowing that gets me through the rough times.
I have a new lap top and hopefully that means I can update more regularly and post pictures.I have been using an old lap top that has no battery and only lasts plugged in for about 5 minutes with the cord taped in place.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
2 Years
Posted by cherise and Tristan at 10:43 PM
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5 comments:
i saw that you had updated, and i was like, what? cherise? no way! it made me sad reading this post, and it made me miss heather all over again. i always knew you were strong, but as you have written, this has only made you stronger. and i am glad too that everett is here! he is such a cutie. miss you and wish we lived closer so i could hug you and everett everyday.
Good to have you back!
YAY! Looking forward to more posts and pictures, Cherise!
xoxo
Cherise,
You are incredible! I can't imagine the pain and hurt that you must feel. But isn't it amazing the tender mercies that the Lord gives us. He knew that you would need your sweet baby to help you through the most difficult time of your life. We love your family! I still can't believe that Heather is really gone. I heard once (in my own words from Lee Perry the son of L. Tom Perry) that life is a continual cycle of births and deaths. When we leave heaven, it is like a death. We leave the spirit world and those we left behind mourn our loss and miss us. But then we are born to earth and the people here are so happy to have this beautiful new baby in their life. Then when our time comes to pass through this life, again their is a death and the people left behind on earth miss us terribly and mourn our loss. But the people in Heaven have a new birth as we are reunited with them and they are so happy to have us back home. I know that Heather will be there to greet you one day. I am also so grateful for the plan of salvation and for the temples that bind us on earth and in heaven! Love you and my heart aches for you.
I meant to comment on this weeks ago. I think of Heather a lot, and August 31 even more so. Heather taught me to love every day, even the hard ones. I know she would have agreed to a lifetime of hard days if she could have just stayed to be a mom to her darlings. I loved the honesty in your writing. I hope all is well for you guys!
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